Resolving the New Year: 2014 in Review

“This year will be different.”
“I will reach or exceed my own expectations.”
“I will do the things I’ve never done before.”

This year WILL be different. And I know this because it is already different.

This year, I did not wait for January 1. And now that another obligatory pull-your-self-together-after-the-binge-and-rush-of-the-holidays approaches, I am ready. I am walking past the Costco displays of yoga and Pilates gift sets. I am ignoring the color-coded family-sized organization centers. I turn the other cheek to the ads selling the secret to getting your pre-baby body back. (I am eight months pregnant and the target audience for such claims.) I just walk on by.

I am immune to this “starting over” season ahead, because this year I didn’t wait to start over.

Instead of here listing all of the goals I want to accomplish in this fresh canvas of a new year, I would rather enjoy a year in review. A lot has happened, and I’m proud to say I didn’t wait for the Times Square crystal ball to drop.

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Goal Accomplished: Clearing our whole house

We celebrated our fourth year in our house on May 1 of this year. Before it was our house, it was my great aunt Dee’s, and we moved in all of our copious amounts of stuff (before I had the decluttering habit figured out) on top of her stuff. For four months that first year, our living room and dining room was wall-to-wall furniture storage. It has taken four years, but everything we do not need that was hers is now gone. There are items we have assimilated, but only useful, high quality pieces of furniture. Even her personal items that were difficult to give away at first are gone. Instead, there is a glamorous photo of her from her early twenties prominently displayed where we see it every day. I enjoy telling my girls B and P about their great-great aunt Deedee, and how this was her house, and that if she had known them, she would have loved them very much. These stories are what fills the space in our home, not stuff.

Goal Accomplished: My Body

It took me almost a year after P was born to get exercise worked back into my life. But on May 4 this year, I started the P90X system, and I LOVE it. I would also love to tell you about all the excess weight I lost, and my incredible results. But I only used it for two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with our third! I was frustrated, for a moment, because I had wanted to be lighter and stronger for the next pregnancy. But what I learned is that I can do it, and even after just 14 days I could already feel that this was going to work for me. In the first week of doing the AbX routine, I was stronger in my core, and I felt ready for the next week in the system. I look forward to beginning again in February, when I get my postpartum workout clearance.

Goal Accomplished: Housekeeping System

I recently read Bootcamp for Lousy Housekeepers by Heidi Schapp. I have read MANY home organization books and blogs and this by far has been the most helpful. She organizes the week into zones. In my house now, for example, Wednesday is always Cleaning Day. Thursday is always Laundry Day, Tuesday is Kitchen day and I just bake and cook up a storm. You get the idea. She has free worksheets for download on her blog, but I really recommend reading the book as well. It is available on KindleUnlimited. In the weeks since I read it, I have gone back and referenced it many times as I work through the kinks of our new housekeeping plan. One of the features different from other systems is a comprehensive Emergency Plan for when days are interrupted by the unexpected. Yes, there are days when all I can muster is changing a diaper and throwing cold leftovers onto plates. But Mama said there’d be days like this, and for days like this, you don’t have to let despair creep in if you have a plan to get through it. Just follow your notes, do the best you can, and start in again the next day. Read the book–you won’t regret it.

These three paradigm shifts in my life this year have dynamically changed the way I face each day. They are ongoing, of course, as any beautiful thing requires regular care and maintenance. But this year I didn’t wait for the January 1 on the calendar. I dove in when I was ready, on whatever day I was ready, and left the guilt of not starting behind.

Will I have New Years Resolutions for 2015? Not really. We’ll just see what gifts this fresh year brings.

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How I Found My Purpose

Choosing a career was difficult for me because I love a lot of fields of study.  This makes directing so satisfying because in the storytelling I am able to indulge in each minutiae of each character and place and circumstance and it feels good to KNOW a lot of things as this process unfolds for each project.  It’s like, the most funnest thing ever.

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Theater combines the many disciplines I love into one.  The director sits in the middle, so that’s where I found myself.

And then halfway through grad school I found myself married to the man of my dreams with a new baby in my arms standing at the practical outskirts of the virtual compendium of all feminist discourse and diatribe and I was stuck.

To put it simply, where simplicity is obviously inadequate: Career or Family?  Can I “have it all”?

Jumping forward to now, I chose to put family first.  I look at this portion of my life, co-managing a household and bearing and raising children, as part of my career.  It is indeed a part of EVERY mothers’ work experience, no matter how many human resource departments or resume-writing tutorials tell you otherwise.  And as an artist, my life is the subject of my work.  Without living the life I want as a wife and mother, I have no artistic platform.

But it took me a bit to figure this out.  Here’s something that helped me.

I stumbled upon a writing prompt on Steve Pavlina’s site called How to Discover your Life’s Purpose in about 20 Minutes.  His site “helps people grow as conscious human beings” and includes his own take on a variety of topics from How to Build a Strong Work Ethic to How to Cook Brown Rice.  It’s a great website.  You could get lost in distraction there, as I did, when I found this SIMPLE writing exercise that helped me find new resolve within myself to go bravely forward.

*Note: It is worth stating at this point that I am not receiving any kickback monetarily or otherwise from mentioning Steve Pavlina.  I just admire his work and have found some of his ideas helpful to me.  Perhaps they could be to you.*

You can check out the link to see the whole post.  But basically, OH so basically, you make a list of things you think MIGHT be your life’s purpose and you just keep writing, stream of consciousness, until one of the ideas moves you to tears.  Yep, that’s it.  Just write and write until you get so emotional about something it causes you to physically stop.  You’re there.  You found it.  Congratulations, you discovered Your Life’s Purpose.

Seemed easy enough (and a little scary… what if it worked?).  So, on March 12, 2012, I sat down at my computer and did the exercise.  Here is, unedited, what I wrote.

My purpose in life is to
raise a family in Christ
start a church
encourage John to become a pastor
start a theater
write plays
win awards
direct plays
*give birth as many times as possible
travel the world
write music
make the most beautiful home possible for my family
learn magic tricks
become a chef
write poetry
write novels
become famous
write a blog
weave
design clothing for wealthy people
become one of the wealthiest people in the world
design tree houses
*be the best mother I can be to as many children as I can
*give birth to as many children as possible; nurture and educate my children
start a school
start a summer camp
start a theater
*embrace the childhood experience and enhance it for my children
*make my children’s lives as magical as possible
make memories
*give birth as many times as possible; embrace the magic of childhood; provide a safe and creative space for my children to thrive; teach my children the secrets of the universe

It took about 15 minutes.  As items made me choke up, I marked them with an asterisk.  I started combining some of the marked items into a more specific bundle of things and as I wrote the last two lines I just lost it.  Sobbed.  For several minutes straight I was crying aloud, kind of praying, just existing in the moment, rereading the last two lines again and again.  I was there.  I found it.  Congratulations, I discovered My Life’s Purpose.

Rereading the list now, I am not crying.  Far from it.  I feel light.  I feel centered and whole, like walking down the center of the sidewalk in the early morning when no one is around to divert your path or right of way.

I still do many of the things on the list, and many I would like to do in the future.  But AFTER this precious time.  In the NEXT season, when the members of my family are searching for their own purposes and I am ready to sit down with pen and paper and write a new list of ideas until I am again, gratefully, moved to tears.

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What processes have helped you structure your future?  What difficult choices have been made easy knowing you are on the path made for you?  I would love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going!

-Allison